Really? Come on, you guys. No kid ever spent hours driving a toy beige sedan around the sandbox. (Well, maybe some kids did, but no kids I knew.) But I guess, if you’d rather have Dick Teague’s funny-looking four door instead of a real live fire truck, that’s your choice. I did like the suggestion of turning the fire truck into a mobile taproom. Especially here in Portland, I feel like that would be a big hit. Park it next to the nearest taco truck and watch the sales roll in. So with that, our foursome is set: two Reagan-era Volkswagens and two American orphan sedans. Let’s take another look at them.
1981 VW Rabbit Diesel – $1,000
As I think I mentioned, I have fond memories of another old VW diesel: a white two-door Dasher that my mom drove when I was in grade school. It was slow, and noisy, and got a bazillion miles to the gallon, and she absolutely drove the wheels off it. It had air conditioning, and you could feel when it kicked in: it’s like the car dropped anchor. But speed isn’t everything, and my goal on Monday was to find cars that could hit fifty miles to the gallon. So here it is.
I still want to know the story behind its Evel Knievel tramp-stamp. But it’s charming, and you’d certainly be able to spot it in a parking lot. This Rabbit needs a little mechanical attention, but there are so many VW diesel aficionados around that it shouldn’t be a problem to get it clattering down the road again. All four cars this week are projects to some degree or another, but this one is the one I’d personally be most likely to take on. Cheap and cheerful, just how I like ’em.
1988 VW Quantum Wagon – $1,400
Rabbit too small for you, but you still want that ’80s VW goodness? This Quantum GL-5 beat out a pretty but dying Dodge Daytona in our vote. It’s a wagon, and a manual, and weird. Generally a winning combination around these parts.
It does need to have reverse gear fixed, or the transmission exchanged for a junkyard unit (if you can find one), but that’s worth doing. This car has that wonderful Audi five-cylinder engine in it, good road manners, cavernous cargo space, and a cool offbeat vibe to it. I dig it. This is a close second for me.
1954 Packard Clipper – $1,200
The phrase “they don’t make ’em like they used to” might have been coined for Packard. This grand old lady would have been the jewel of the neighborhood in 1954, even in low-level Clipper trim. With its silky-smooth inline eight and ingenious “Ultradrive” automatic transmission, noise, vibration, and harshness were things that applied to other cars, not Packard.
This car is well beyond my abilities and resources to bring back, unless I could devote myself to it exclusively. But it’s the one I’d most like to see back on the road out of these four. It’s number four for me personally, but if someone did see this old Packard, fell in love with it, and decided to return it to its rightful condition, I’d be very happy. My finder’s fee is that I get to drive it once. Sound fair?
1978 AMC Matador – $1,500
Let’s be clear: I don’t dislike this car. It’s funny-looking, but by most accounts a reliable and comfortable way to get down the road, and if you’re willing to patch up a couple holes in the floor, in good shape. I just would want an old fire truck more, given the hypothetical choice. But with both vehicles sitting in front of me, yeah, I’d probably choose this old Matador as well.
The biggest appeal to me of these ’70s cruisers is the interior. The “Malaise Era” may have done terrible things to the engine compartments of American cars, but it also brought some wonderful cabins. This car’s plush bench and fake woodgrain dash look homey and inviting, and I just know that three-spoke steering wheel (the same as a Jeep, I think?) and column shifter both feel good in your hands. This is my third choice out of the four, but only because I have more familiarity with old VWs than with old AMCs. So that’s it for this week. I’ve seen several comments on some of the more oddball cars requesting more of the same. I’m all for that, so I’ll try to find some more oddities. Of course, occasionally, we should look at a few sensible choices here and there as well. It’s all about balance, right? See you next week! Quiz Maker Wait, where have I heard that before? So I gotta go Packard. Because fuck it. This is exclusively ‘project cars.’ Uncommon, silky-smooth, torquey Americana cruiser wins out by far. Parts for the Packard are easy to source (there’s no fucking way that Rabbit just needs something small,) the body is very intact, the frame is clearly intact. You need to look at it with a “restorer’s eye” not your regular eyes. That means you’re looking for missing panels, rot as opposed to oxidization, cuts you can’t source, things like that. And I don’t necessarily see anything where you’d need to get the English wheel out. Which means you’ve got a very, very good shot at it being sanding, hardware, filler, and paint only. It’s not going to be a cheap job, but nothing is these days. What’s important is that every body panel and piece of glass is present and intact, the irreplaceable brightwork is not only intact but in excellent condition (re-chroming is to be expected,) and any missing/broken pieces can be sourced. None of these cars is going to sell for more than you have to put into it to get it running safely anyways. So may as well put the money into having the smoothest Americana luxobarge in town with a glorious two-tone blue and turquoise paint job. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/67/1954_Packard_Clipper_De_Luxe_Touring_Sedan.jpg/800px-1954_Packard_Clipper_De_Luxe_Touring_Sedan.jpg?20150306224205 Still astonished either of these awful VWs advanced. Shame on my fellow commenters. The Packard is lovely, and even though it’s not a particularly fancy fire truck, the fire truck is a better acquisition than both VWs and the AMC combined, even if you threw in a lifetime subscription to Xbox Live. Gimme that Packard and all you non-Packard and non-fire truck voters go eat some more paint chips. I really wanted to choose the Quantum. It doesn’t need a lot and that interior is so chef’s kiss through and through. It got a characterful 5 cylinder and a long roof to boot. The whole “no reverse” thing is only as bad as you want it to be. You could replace or rebuild the gearbox, but what’s the fun in that. But the Matador, man. That’s pretty clean. It’s also got character, front and back, a big lazy AMC V8 and leg room…shoulder room, and ass room for weeks. I’m moving towards middle age and comfort matters. I’m also a dad, so a car that’s described as “dad get up noise” is appropriate. I think it’d be a lot more comfortable and pleasant to drive most of the time. Plus it probably has reverse. Cool. AMC-FTW. https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/9d0ce261-86a8-408b-8389-e64c64755b40_1.0fb24b72a2bb8a847b7007a7dfcba963.jpeg?odnHeight=2000&odnWidth=2000&odnBg=ffffff I’ve followed you folks from Jalopnik to here hoping for the best. I just don’t get what the Shitbox Showdown is about but you folks sure seem to spend a lot of time on it. It doesn’t appear to be about useable or even restorable vehicles. It appears to be about acquiring new (to you) lawn ornaments for cheap. Yes, I understand it’s cheap and easy to write this stuff. You just need to find some shitboxes locally advertised and similarly priced and go take some photos. After that, you can toss in whatever words you want. Call it a word salad. And content magically appears! Good Job! I was tempted to end there but I feel I must suggest an alternative premise for a future series. How about “Daily Driver Shitbox”? I spend way more on a years worth of insurance and fuel than I pay to purchase and mechanically maintain a shitbox. I think that the trials and tribulations of owning a daily driven shitbox would make for interesting content. In many parts of the world driving and maintaining a daily driven shitbox is a way of life. Folks fabricate parts with little resources. They come up with creative solutions to super expensive replacement components. Yes, I love classics, and muscle cars, and exotics, and other weird old shit. But I daily drive a shitbox. A major mechanical failure costs more to repair than the shitbox is worth? Fine. I move on to the next shitbox. Motor blows up halfway across country? Toss the keys on the seat and walk away. Someone should write a poem about shitbox love 🙂 Idea: Monday – Shitbox or $1000 challenge Tuesday – $5000 challenge Wednesday – $10K challenge Thursday – $25K challenge Friday – $50K challenge No, you couldn’t directly compare them at the end of the week like we do now for an overall winner, but there’s just a lot more opportunity for interesting matchups if the price caps are varied. Packard all the way. Full restoration, including new two tone paint and period correct interior. You’d have the only one at cars and coffee (or one of DT’s meet-ups). My 1970s big car dreams lie in the Pontiac and Oldsmobile dealerships, and have fewer doors. But, I’d drive the Barcelona because it’s a neat old car. I should’ve voted for it before for that reason alone. The VWs require their own work to be useful. And really aren’t worth it to my eye, but I’m not a VW nut. Packard project it is.
